10 tips that will help you forgive someone more easily

When someone has hurt us, it’s easy to feel some form of bitterness and resentment towards them – especially if they did something we consider truly awful. It's true that forgiveness does have its limits, but sometimes it’s necessary to release negative feelings from both sides of the situation and repair a relationship that was otherwise doomed. 

Here are 10 tips that will help you forgive someone more easily: 

1. Examine your feelings. Determine whether you have a good reason to feel bitter about someone or about something that was done to you. Often, big problems stem from otherwise minor misunderstandings that get magnified over time. If you're feeling bitterness toward your spouse, for example, because she's been busy with work and neglecting your relationship, don't let this boil over into full-blown resentment. Open the lines of communication to avoid misunderstandings, and be patient with your spouse as she makes her way through a time where additional hours at the office are needed. Don’t hold on to bad feelings – talk it out or let the feelings pass.


2. Put yourself in their shoes. There are many reasons why people sometimes do nasty things or say hurtful words. Sure, maybe the person who wronged you is just a terrible person. But try to look for other explanations. Often, you'll find that the person in question is going through a hard period in their lives or acted that way based on an entirely separate misunderstanding. If a friend has been through a traumatic event, such as the death of a loved one, it’s natural for them to feel moody and unable to respond to your requests. Or if your partner said something unkind to you, it's possible that she said it because she misunderstood something you did or said, and was reacting accordingly. Long story short: look for other explanations of bad behavior.


3. Send positivity their way. If you're devoted to a particular religion, prayer can be therapeutic for easing feelings of hate and resentment for a person. Likewise, for those of you who don't follow a particular faith, or for whom prayer is not part of your faith, the simple act of thinking kind thoughts and putting good vibes into the world will work toward relieving you of your negative thoughts about a person. The more you let your angry feelings go and wish the best for the person who wronged you, the more at ease you will feel about the situation and the sooner you'll be ready to offer forgiveness.


4. See this situation as a valuable learning experience. By their nature, people enter our lives for a variety of reasons and often challenge us with their attitudes, personalities, beliefs, and behaviors. Some of those people are meant to teach us lessons on patience, emotional maturity, and mental strength. View these challenges, and the people imposing them, as opportunities for personal growth and development. Whatever the final outcome of your conflict is, viewing the situation as a learning experience will leave you glad this person entered your life in the first place.


5. Find healthy ways to deal with your hurt. If you're having a hard time expressing your feelings of betrayal to the other person, finding other healthy ways to address these feelings can bring a great sense of relief to your life. Healthy activities such as going to the gym or taking a stroll outside will help you to relax and rid yourself of the building tensions from the conflict at hand. Taking the time to vent to a friend (preferably someone who is an unbiased third party) can help you organize your thoughts, allowing some clarity into your mind. Find ways to dispel your negative ideas, and your perspective about the whole situation will change for the better.


6. Try to see the good in others. Many times, we struggle to forgive someone because we focus only on their bad attributes. In most cases, however, you've been able to see multiple sides of that person, many of which were likely more positive in nature; think about those positive traits. This doesn't only apply to the person who wronged you – try to focus on the good in all people you come across, whether a close friend or a passing acquaintance on the side walk, and you'll feel less bitter about the conflict you find yourself in.


7. Don’t let your feelings get out of control. Some people make the mistake of suppressing their negative feelings and letting them accumulate over time; eventually, those feelings will bubble up into your life, stronger than they would have been had they been handled early on and in a healthy manner. If someone did something that hurt you, don't keep it to yourself. Kindly confront the person about the issue and see if there's a way to ease the tension of the conflict. Ignoring a bad situation won't make your bad feelings go away – you'll only begin to feel worse.


8. Don’t see yourself as a victim. If you're caught up in a victim-like mentality, you'll always feel helpless and needy. Don't let this one situation make you believe that other people in your life are only out to hurt and take advantage of you. One bad run-in with a friend or partner or even a stranger is not a negative reflection on who you are as a person. You are worthy of good friendships and good relationships, but those things will only come to you if you believe you deserve them.


9. Just do it. Stop thinking about if and when and how you want to express your forgiveness to the other person, and get it done. Putting all of your focus on this conflict is only keeping you in a negative, bitter mindset. Put down your ego, accept the events that transpired between you two, and move on. You can't dwell on this forever, and why would you want to? Offer your forgiveness, let it go, and move your life forward in a healthy, positive manner.


10. Remember that it’s human nature to make mistakes. Whether at our own expense or the expense of those in our lives, everyone has their faults, everyone has misunderstandings, and everyone makes mistakes. And, most of the time, if we're being honest with ourselves, everyone is worthy of forgiveness. Odds are that you've made your own mistakes, hurt someone else's feelings, and wanted your own forgiveness. Accept this flaw of the human condition, and give your friends a break.

Once someone wrongs us, it's easy to replace our positive thoughts of that person with negative ones that will force themselves into our lives in dangerous ways. This negative attitude can lead to anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and a general unhappiness with life and the people in it. Avoid that fate by taking stock of the situation, examining what went wrong and how to fix it, and extending that hand of forgiveness to the one who wronged you. It's only after you find yourself at that place of forgiveness that you'll ever start feeling better about yourself and about your situation. 

Good luck